I have a love-hate relationship with mornings. The soft light glowing through your blinds combined with a vicious headache on account of the bottle of wine you consumed before bed. Your chiropractic cloud-like pillow alongside your close to bursting bladder forcing you into the cold. A warm sleepy body to cuddle up to and their inevitably heinous breath. The shiny, wondrous possibilities of the day ahead and the knowledge that it will probably just be shit like yesterday.

It could be my self-diagnosed bipolar, but most mornings I tend to wake up either life-psyched and beaming or irritable and depressed. Although I’ve found that adding music to my morning routine tends to nudge me in the direction of the former. That and saying ‘no thank you’ to ecstasy the night before. Whether it’s setting your alarm with the title track from Grease, dusting off your Nan’s Peggy Lee record to float away with over breakfast, or carefully curating a playlist for the commute to work - a sweet morning melody is a cute way to get things rolling.

Here are my top five…

Sweet Inspiration by The Sweet Inspirations
http://youtu.be/RDSKwY6KwPg

Make like Cissy Houston and open your peepers to some swinging sixties sister soul. The girl group dropped this mega hit in ‘67, catching the ear of none other than a Vegas bound Elvis Presley, who consequently summoned the ladies to sing backup on his comeback special. Before my feet have even touched the floor I’m inspired and hopeful as hell.

This must be the place by Talking Heads
http://youtu.be/pVrVY540xdc

David Byrne’s obscure, dreamy love song (with just a glimmer of darkness) really floats my boat first thing. Home is where the heart is, or so the saying goes, and this early 80s beauty delves into that notion and takes a leisurely stroll. Floating out of my iPhone at 7am it whispers “Relax babe, you’re exactly where you need to be. Hey, it’s okay. Hit the snooze babe. You’re worth it.”

Where do you go to (my lovely)? by Peter Sarstedt
http://youtu.be/TTAvNkiml9k

French ballerinas and fashion houses fill the bedroom air with this single of sixties perfection. And for just a moment, before registering that you’re about to catch the tram to your average job, you’re teleported to a life of excessive wealth and arty enchantment to the backdrop of an accordion against a Parisian sky. Treat yo’self.

Maggie May by Rod Stewart
http://youtu.be/f45cn42vn1I

Who doesn’t want to wake up to a true tale of Rod Stewart’s deflowering by an older woman? Character-filled and fearless, this rambling rock classic will sock you out of bed and into the shower. Originally released as the B-side of his ‘71 single ‘Reason to Believe’, the success of Maggie May launched Rod’s epic solo career. The track also features a gratuitous 5-bar mandolin solo which I’m really into.

Chelsea Morning by Joni Mitchell
http://youtu.be/DXe95iTtci0

Sunny, sweet and tipsy with innocence, this early Joni number will dulcify even the most discordant of mornings. Rainbows, bowls of oranges, toast and honey and straight up Pollyanna optimism. On that note, in the words of Ms. Joni M, put on the day and wear it ‘til the night comes.

Best -

A.x

As a woman in my 20s working full time in the media industry, I was very interested to read an article published by Mumbrella on Monday, addressed to women working in media and frightfully titled ’Ladies, could we shut the **** up?’. I was also interested to hear the vehement reactions to the piece within my professional network, male and female.

At this stage in my career, like Peta Southcombe (author of the piece in question), my gender has not inhibited me getting to where I want to be. However I embrace this fact with a proverbial grain of salt. I haven’t had kids yet, nor am I eligible for an executive role at this point in time.

At the heart of the article, the author looks longingly towards the day that men and women are seen as individuals in business, which is a dream that I too share. But the fact remains that right now there are far fewer women in senior roles across the board. So when Katie Rigg-Smith is appointed as the new CEO of Mindshare, i.e. the lone she wolf currently leading a major Australian media agency, it’s difficult not to be excited for her as a woman as well as an executive.

Like Peta, I often take for granted the abundance of opportunity that is available to me, an Australian woman in the year 2013. However the occasional whisper of gratitude to those who fought for said abundance wouldn’t go astray. The gender equality that exists in the Western world today should be celebrated, acknowledged and examined, certainly not ignored.

The journey towards total gender equality in this country is at a wonderful, exciting place - where the focus is genuinely starting to shift towards individual ability as opposed to presumptions on account of gender. But the quite overwhelming evidence remains that women are massively, absurdly underrepresented in professional leadership roles.

And personally, I’m not going to shut up until that changes.

The official rebuttal to the piece was posted by Mumbrella the following day. And it is truly, deeply wonderful. Have a read if you’ve got the time.

http://mumbrella.com.au/why-ladies-shouldnt-shut-the-up-151942

Best - 

A.x

After a false start in ‘11 my boyfriend and I have settled back into de facto bliss…. Two bedrooms, a tomato vine with actual tomatoes growing on it, parking permit, a motley crew of about 30 hand me down towels (where do you even buy towels?) and enough cupboard space to store the entire range at Greensborough Savers. Truth be told it’s a small slice of heaven. But I’m curious as to why it’s working out for us this time round and not the last - a fateful 12-month lease in Carlton North that ended in segregated book boxes and broken dreams. Not to mention a lengthy solo mission to Berlin on my boyfriend’s part. But like a couple of lovesick adelie penguins we found our way back to the nest. And are currently feeling our way through round two, armed with better communication skills and slightly nicer crockery.

I’m a huge fan of living together. It’s the best! Tough at times but mostly just one long pajama party giggle fest. Here’s what I’ve learned so far…

Make it your own
Any good love shack worth its bath of rose petals looks and feels like the people in it. Blend your parents’ life saving furniture donations with stuff you’re both really into. Try and keep an open mind when it comes to clashes in taste - although it’s perfectly okay to suggest his collection of glass-framed insects be displayed in the spare room.

Keep IKEA trips to a minimum.

Break the rules
Hang out your laundry in the dining room (naked of course). Make a bed of pillows and blankets on the living room floor. Have sex in the kitchen. Sleep in the garden. Riverdance down the hallway. You get the picture. Free yourself from the confined courtesies of share house living and tap into the anarchy of your new private playground paradise.

Cook
As a recent convert to the world of buying fresh produce from the market and cooking stuff with it, I can safely tell all you stoveaphobes out there the water is fiiiiiine. Do it together, for each other, whatever! It feels fruit salad kind of wholesome.

Have friends over
With all those living room floor nests and fridges full of meat & veg, it’s easy to forget about the outside world. However this is a one-way ticket to codependent creepville. Keep it healthy with a steady flow of social activity through your shack’s front door.

Find your other couple
Discover the Fred and Ethel to your Lucy and Ricky, the Rubble to your Flinstone. Double dates are the biz. Find a couple who speak your language and put in the time. Because fourway holidays and movie nights are fucking FUN.

Break the sex-chedule
Anyone who works full time knows that Saturday mornings were invented for sex. But if you find yourself in a repetitive routine rut try busting some moves mid-week. Too tired? TIP: Go to bed earlier instead of watching that third episode of Parks and Recreation.

Build a luxury tree house that’s yours alone
Failing that, find one metaphorically in your heart. Failing that, claim a room or a nook in the house that’s just yours. While you’re sharing a bed, bedroom, wardrobe space and car key, it’s important to stake out your own territory from time to time.

Boundaries
Pee with the door open, close for everything else.

Be your own person
Relationships in general are a soft-shoe shuffle between exercising your independence and being joined at the hip to another person - a dance which only intensifies when you live together. My advice? Hang onto a keen sense of who you are as an individual… And make sure you’ve got some cool shit going on outside the love nest.

Best -
A.x

The turn of another year is bound to stir up all manner of ambitious aspirations… Exercise more, smoke less, be a better daughter/lover/friend/sister, find a good therapist, a better job, have more patience, make more money, learn a language, eat healthier, drink less coffee/more water, find love, meditate twice a day and figure out what you want to do with your life.

I just vomited in the paper bin under my desk.

Every year we pile these enormous tasks on our shoulders and go marching into January hungover as a sailor wearing a little pasted on smile. The pressure! Instead of focusing on the big, overwhelming changes why not break it down into bite-sized, achievable pieces. Let’s get real for a second. What are some cute tweaks you can make to your life that will result in lasting positive change? Ones you can actually stick to and feel an overwhelming sense of achievement come 2014?

Here’s 30…

1. Register and top up your myki online.
Avoid the inevitable disdain for all humankind while waiting in line at a station as your train slowly coasts away.

2. Squeeze from the bottom of the toothpaste tube.
A tiny, everyday practice in efficiency and self-discipline.

3. Pick a different banger song to wake up to every morning.
SUGGESTION: The title track from ‘Grease’.  
 

4. Listen to this american life.
Want to learn about the invention of money, how to get through a break up and Poland’s intense political divide as well as the fact that their version of ‘So you think you can dance’ is just called ‘You can dance’? Get smart here: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/

5. Help the war on machines by stealing the occasional item at the self-serve checkout.

6. Send a postcard.
Why do postcards only happen on holidays? Send one to a friend just because. Guaranteed day brightener!

7. Dance.
In your living room, at a salsa club with a tiny yet unnervingly powerful Colombian man, under the stars at a music festival: dance when you get the chance™ (streisandsuperman). It makes you happy, in turn making you nicer.

8. Check for cyclists before opening your car door.

9. Go to the movies alone.
This is a great way to restore and rejuvenate. It also makes you seem cool/interesting.

10. Give blood.
Saving lives and free food. #seeya

11. Sign out of your social media accounts for one whole day every week.
Immerse yourself in the sights, sounds, and sexiness of the physical world for exactly 24 hours.

12. Watch Australian movies.

13. Go to your friend’s gig even when it’s raining.

14. Don’t hate Lena Dunham.
It makes you smell like jealousy/misogyny.

15. Buy affordable art.
Rose street needs you.

16. Walk to get places.
Apparently one day you open your eyes and realise you’re 80. Life is a flash in the pan. Take your time where poss.

17. Pick up knocked over bicycles.
It takes two seconds and you feel like an angel. A real one.

18. Talk politics.
You’ll need: 1 x newspaper.

19. Pick a charity.

20. Get an rdio/spotify account.
If you support music’s ongoing existence it’s the absolute least you can do.

21. Make a make out mix.
Make love to it.

22. Buy free range.

23. Wear an outfit that slaps people in the face.
In a FUN way!

24. Have a birthday party.
This is the one event of the year where you get to do exactly what you want - Day/night/themes that have been done to death. I’m so bored of people being shy about their birthdays. Go for it.

25. Save $1,000 by next new years.
Realistic.

26. Ask your parents for gardening advice.
It marks the transition from surly, life-sucking teen to wholesome real person. They’ll love it.

27. Wash your teaspoons as you go.
As Benjamin Franklin once said, “Never leave that ‘til tomorrow which you can do today.” I think that applies here.

28. Rinse.
Post-hand washing and pre-dishwasher stacking. (I’ll be watching)

29. Don’t worry about getting older.
Too late? A quick review of ‘Death Becomes Her’ will sort you out.

30. Worry more about being brave.

Until next time friends. Like Nina used to say… It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day… And I’m feelin’ good. http://youtu.be/jpv6xwFZzg4

Best -
A. x

Christmas is my favourite day of the year. Hands down. It makes me so happy I want to knock on people’s doors, introduce myself and tell them I love them. The smell of pine, champagne in the morning, Mariah Carey, my mum’s face when she opens her presents from my sisters and I. Sweeter than leftovers on boxing day.

So I’m always shocked to hear that, for some, Christmas is a horrible time. Like being force-fed dense fruit cake while your nanna tells you she’s disappointed you haven’t had children yet. Although with the excessive booze mixed with random family members in a room together for so long, I can see how it could all turn to a stale mince pie. With that in mind, here are some tips to help you sail through this wonderful/kind of deeply religious when you think about it holiday.

Don’t be hungover

A christmas eve tipple is one thing. Six espresso martinis followed by a spiked mosow mule is quite another. You’ve got a big day ahead of you, take it easy kid. I want you tucked in with a hot chocolate and Home Alone/Meet Me in St. Louis by midnight. Or, if you’re feeling frisky, consider A Long Kiss Goodnight with Geena Davis.

Know your place in the kitchen

After extensive research, including numerous graphs and (mince)pie charts, I’ve discovered that 95% of all christmas fights stem from the christmas kitchen. It’s important to remember that just like a kitchen in a restaurant, there can only be one head chef. The head chef appoints a sous chef and everyone else is a kitchen hand or dish pig, if you will. It’s a delicate hierarchy that can only function if people stick to their assigned role. So swap your ego for a paper hat and work together as a team.

Don’t have disturbingly full sex on christmas night

Climbing on top of someone after eating your weight in ham is weird and gross. I’ve heard stories of people who, instead of having an orgasm, just let go a three minute ham scented air biscuit. Save it for the morning after.

Be nice

Make the decision before you even get out of bed to be a generally nice guy for the entire day. It means a lot to your family. And to Santa.

And finally, say Merry Christmas to someone like you mean it. It’s the end of a long year… People have fallen in love, had their hearts smashed, been fired, hired, had flus, got better, travelled, felt really sad, danced until 6am, the works. It’s a time when we all should just look at each other and say ‘you made it!’ And everything is going to be okay. (e.g. http://youtu.be/5g4lY8Y3eoo).

Merry christmas party animals.

Best -
A.x

It’s finally happened… You’ve been shipwrecked. Except unlike Tom Hanks in a little twice-oscar-nominated single performance based masterpiece called ‘Cast Away’ you get to have 10 of your favourite things shipwrecked with you. This isn’t about water, food, sticks/basic survival stuff, it’s a list of the things which give you true pleasure. Choose wisely. And remember to make the distinction between a fleeting thrill (i.e. hearing a Destiny’s Child song on the radio when you’re driving to a party) and the stuff of lifelong love affairs (Beyoncé).

For the sake of the exercise, no family or loved ones please. 

1. George Harrison

Forget that Beatles noise for all eternity. Bit hectic. I’ll just take George and his guitar thanks genie. Talk about longevity. Plus he could teach you about spirituality and eastern thought, art, love, meditation, the 60s and how to be an all round nice guy.

2. Vegemite

A smear of vegemite every morning on a couple of slices of edible bark would be the equivalent of a firm yet reassuring hug from my mum. Ready for anything the island could throw at me!

3. Anna Karenina

I could read this book a million times and still be just as blown away by the richness of Tolstoy’s exquisitely drawn universe - each time finding a new fire cracking phrase or concept to jump off the page and explode in my face/heart. It would remind me to shut up about the heat and the flies for a second and just drink it all in. Because if Tolstoy taught me anything it’s that everything is amazing.

4. Cher’s outfit from Half-Breed

At long last. A chance to wear my dream outfit every day for the rest of my life for no reason other than it makes me feel incredible. Very little chance of offending people either. Except maybe George… I could live with that!

5. Xanax

I’m going to need something that won’t make me green out, freak out or talk too much in front of George. So keeping with the relaxed island vibes, xanax, you gorgeous bitch, it’s you babe.

6. This photo by Diane Arbus

D.A’s 1964 photograph of burlesque dancer Blaze Starr in her living room in Baltimore makes my heart sing every time. The pose, the pride, the dog, the faded glamour, the carpet, the Buddha statue. It’s everything. No matter how bored, crazy and sunburnt I became, one look at this would remind me to be eternally grateful that I still get to live on this cool and sik planet.

7. Truman Capote’s beach house

Unpretentious but at the same time, very much so, Capote’s 1960s Hamptons studio encapsulates all your island accomm desires/needs. In this private beachside oasis designed by and dwelled in by the great man himself, you can enjoy Truman’s devastating style without having to put up with him bitching about you constantly.

8. Amy Poehler 

I’m obsessed with Tina Fey. And god knows I love Louis. But if I’m completely honest, Amy is the one I see myself being best friends with. We’d laugh and do improv and play the most breathtaking tricks on George. I think we’d make a really good team.

9. Pretty Woman (DVD)

I was 10 years old when I first watched Pretty Woman and subsequently only realised Vivienne was a prostitute years later (“Ohhhh Carlos wanted to be her pimp not her friend!”). But I’m glad in a way. Because unlike Richard Gere, right from the start I was able to see past her profession to the person she really was. I’ve finally realised that out of all the movies in all the world, this one is my favourite. And it feels good.

10. Champagne

Being stranded on a desert island shouldn’t get you down. Make every day a celebration with a splash of deliciously decadent champagne, followed by dancing and sparkling conversation (naturally).

I don’t know about you guys, but ‘post Meredith 2012’ will now be known as one of the most vicious comedowns known to man. I really needed this list. But generally speaking it doesn’t hurt to focus more on the positive things in life. So the next time you’re stuck in traffic or your doctor tells you you’re barren/the tumor has come back, in the words of Julie Andrews, simply remember your favourite things and then I don’t feeeeeeeel… sooooo baaad! 

Best - 

A.x

“You guys I have a new baby sister!” 

Wait a second, your brain says to itself… Isn’t she like 27? How old are her parents? She must mean her sister just had a baby.

“You mean your sister just had a baby?”

“No my Dad and his wife just had a baby and it’s a girl! Which makes her my brand spanking new sister.” 

“But wait how old is your dad? *snort* Hang on. How old is SHE?”

None of your business cunt.

Why is it that people think that because my Dad has been married three times and has kids from each relationship my family is an open topic for discussion / judgement at dinner, birthday and housewarming parties?

Maybe it’s my child of a twice broken homeness which has given me a broader definition of the word family. Maybe it’s made me more accepting of the fact that just because there’s a single parent or step-cat in the picture it doesn’t mean there’s any less love. There are kids whose parents have stayed together and some who have had more Christmas double dinners, half siblings and childhood tears watching The Parent Trap than you can count on two hands. But regardless of your family situation, bad manners are bad manners. And if you’re wearing a horrified yet smug expression while making any kind of comment about anyone’s family (to their face), either your mum or step mum didn’t raise you right.

For the record. 

• Half brothers and sisters are just brothers and sisters. You love them with all your heart and it’s illegal to marry them in every Australian state and self-governing territory.

• Picasso was still having kids in his 70s. In comparison, at 56, my Dad is basically a toddler who shouldn’t be trusted to use the toaster let alone father seven children.

• Yes she’s basically my age. Third wives often are. But more importantly, she’s a cool lady. And her and my dad make each other really happy.

Someday, hopefully in the not too distant future, graceless aunties, naive friends, clumsy colleagues and the like will manage to accept and embrace my family in the sound knowledge that the people who the situation actually concerns have already done just that. Or at the very least, if it’s not too much trouble, feign a level of kindness and basic social awareness then bitch about me behind my back.

Best - 

A. x

Firstly, to clarify, if someone is over 30 and still has to wear a nametag at work, that’s a dealbreaker®  (Tina Fey, 30 Rock season four), which means you wouldn’t be in a relationship with them. However, you might still have sex with them if the mood strikes. That’s where I come in. With summer just around the corner and short shorts getting shorter, the season to get down/make love is upon us. But before diving headfirst into the sack, consider the following 30 reasons not to sleep with someone - and avoid those seedy sexcapades that just stay with you. No matter how many showers you take!

1. Orders a VERY WEAK latte with TWO sugars. 
Yuck mate.

2. They’re a white person with dreadlocks
Even if they get rid of them the ghost of their dreadies will haunt you forever.

3. They’re always ready to snap at a cab driver.
Most likely pretty racist.

4. They have a soft, wet handshake.
Severe lack of ‘throw down’ in the bedroom. Like making love to a clear, featureless jellyfish.

5. They bash the pedestrian crossing button several times in a row.
Idiot.

6. They wear runners to and from work with their suit.
Too. Comfortable. Do these people also wear adult diapers under all their clothes purely out of convenience? Expect their lovemaking to be a concoction of lazy and nervous.

7. They ride their bike to work in a full lycra get-up complete with fake European sponsors.
Cringetown. Be cool geek!

8. Crocs.
Unless this person is an old lady wearing a bright purple pair to match her crazy hat, crocs are a big, unsexy ‘no no’. Seriously grow up.

9. A pigeon lands on their table and starts pecking their leftovers and they just keep sitting there nonchalantly.
Too complacent. Most likely quite cheesy/unclean in the dicky area.

10. They don’t own books® (John Waters) 
Particularly if despite this, they’ve written their own. Here’s looking at you Warnie/Posh/Elle McPherson. 

11. They try to get on the train/bus/tram before letting people off.
This person is never going to give you an orgasm. Not in this lifetime or the next.

12. They think Prince sounds ‘dated’.
Bad at sex.

13. The person looks like your twin brother/sister.
That one’s on you pal!

14. They don’t tip.
Expects you to go down on them but not the other way around.

15. Been working in promo for more than 10 years.
Everyone knows you get one STD for every year you hand out garnier fructis samples while riding a segway around Fed Square. He/she got shit you never even dreamed of!

16. Wears lynx deodorant and is over age 17.
Quiet, jackhammer highschool sex awaits you. (During which his mum will come in to collect his dirty laundry).

17. Waits for the green man to cross the road even when there’s no cars.
Nerd alert! Unless you’re into missionary sex followed by separate showers - this guy/gal plays it way too safe between the sheets.

18. Their relaxed face is a deep frown.
Drainer.

19. Touches the waitress when they order.
Has an unhealthy attitude towards women thanks to the secret solo stripper missions he’s been going on since he turned 18.

20. Has a high-pitched gremlin laugh in manner of ‘Murder in Toontown’ or ‘the hyenas from Lion King’.
Most of their sex life has been spent in the creepiest corners of the internet i.e. no reference as to what’s okay and what’s a felony.

21. Yells at other people’s kids.
Rage issues. Bound to unload a post-coital rant about the disciplinary tactics of their parents/generally troubled childhood.

22. Sits on a fitball at work instead of a chair.
Misguided. Only those who enjoy clumsy, slightly rough handjobs by candlelight while listening to a 3 Doors Down greatest hits cd need apply.

23. Makes timid costume choices.
YAWN!

24. Overly confident gum chewing.
These people have something to prove in life and in sex (they’re also quite mean to their mum when she rings). Expect an insane number of different positions and very little pleasure.

25. Opts for a bluetooth headset instead of a phone.
No one is that busy. This goes hand in hand with cheap suits and a penchant for weirdly aggressive fetishes like ejaculating in your hair/handbag.

26. They lean right down and peer into the sandwich that’s sitting on your desk and ask “What’s for lunch today?”
Virgin.

27. They carry their pet in a BabyBjörn.
Mother issues.

28. Training to be an Olympic handballer.
Sorry no that’s not a real thing. Put your pants on and go.

29. Rests their coffee on top of the entire stack of newspapers when out for brunch.
The devil.

30. Uses emoticons in every text.
Lacks sexual confidence.

And there it is! Print it, pop it on the fridge, tell your friends about me, do whatever you gotta do. Also remember the main reason to have sex with someone… You think they’re fabulous.

Best -

A. x

One of the core beliefs of Mormonism/The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints/LDS/Mitt Romney/that guy from The Killers is that there are an infinite number of gods in space who each rule their own planet. They also believe that all of these gods were human once - just like us except not black, female or Asian. The name of the game is to be a good Mormon in your human life so that you’ll be rewarded with a planet and god status in your after-life.

Marriage and family are central to the whole operation. To have a proper shot at achieving godhood it’s essential to be ‘sealed’ to a Mormon of the opposite sex, in a Mormon temple by a Mormon priest. Then go home and have heaps of babies and teach them about Mormonism. They believe that this union will continue beyond the grave so that the couple can then populate their planet in the next life. For the Mormon woman, if you do make it to the celestial kingdom, heaven is being pregnant for all eternity, one spirit baby after the next, while your husband/god takes care of all the decision making. That’s why polygamy made so much sense for the Morms. As well as men being able to have free slaves in their human life, women could share the seven billion strong reproductive load in their eternal life. It was just practical! (19th century puritans!)

I’ve had twelve, but I’m actually starting to warm to Mitt Romney’s stance on abortion. Women’s bodies on earth are the vessels for ex-human god’s children, silly! To have an abortion would be to literally kill god’s baby. Except, according to Mitt, if the pregnancy is a result of rape or incest. But hang on… if there is a god… that incest-rape baby would have totally gotten his tick of approval! And an abortion would still be spirit baby murder in the first degree… But I guess as a presidential candidate if you didn’t have abortion exceptions people might not vote for you on account of you being a psycho. It’s all so confusing.
 

To find out more, check out the brilliantly executed ‘I am a Mormon’ campaign. The series depicts modern, normal looking Mormons from all walks of life with the purpose of dispelling creepy Mormon stereotypes ahead of the election. It covers a range of fine folks currently practicing the Mormon faith - from those living on the fringe of Mormonism (http://youtu.be/ef-kS0ShYuQ) to the more traditional scenarios (http://youtu.be/UgxtM_uXKy4). You can so tell which ones are going to get a planet though!

The $30 billion corporation that is the Mormon Church provides a fabulous sense of community to its members, donates millions of dollars to humanitarian causes every year and teaches love, forgiveness and other nice Christiany values stuff. It’s not ALL BAD. And to be a Mormon wife all you have to do is follow three simple steps:

1. Get pregnant

2. Have spirit baby

3. Repeat

Best -
A. x